Diaries Are For Pussies
by thecrazierone
Summary: "Diaries are for gay, pussy, little faggots, guess it's fitting that I have one. " Kyman
1. Chapter 1 October 16

**Hi everyone, so here's a very short one-shot. But, diaries are normally pretty short, so if it's alright. I wrote this about two months ago, so it may not be as good as my other stuff.  
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**Diaries are For Pussies.**

**By: thecrazierone**

October 16,

Dear Fuck you you shouldn't be reading this,

Now, I know what you're thinking. 'Eric you're so awesome and kewl why do you have a diary?' I know, I know. Diaries are for gay, pussy, little faggots, guess it's fitting that I have one. Hold your gasps of shock, I know it's hard to believe. How do I know? Well, it started way back when the Jew tamed his stupid little Jew-fro. It was way back in the middle of middle school. Butters and me, were waiting at the bus. Surprisingly, Butters isn't gay himself, actually he's got girls all around him. I guess that sensitive bullshit really hits it with the ladies. Who the fuck knew? Where was I? Oh yea, bus stop. So, Butters is chatting away and I pretend to listen him like most mornings. Then, I over hear Kyle and his hippie, fuck buddy.

"So, how do ya think your mom will take you getting your hair cut on your own?" Hippie asks.

"She'll get over it." Jew answered. Then I get a good look at what they're both talking about. Kyle's usual mop of curls was tamed, making the normally poofy curls flattened down. Of course I'd never tell the stupid Jew this, but his hair looked hot as fuck, comparatively it made hell look like winter wonderland. Not to sound gay, but it was all I could really think about. Okay fuck that, I really sound gay. Speaking of more gayness, that night was my first real wet dream. I really don't want to get into it, but it was me, Kyle, and whips and chains and stuff. It took around a whole year to fucking understand all this, but yea. I'm a gay freak who likes a Jew who he has tried to kill multiple times. Fuck me.

**So, what do you guys think? If I get five reviews saying to continue I will add on. Thanks a lot.**


	2. Chapter 2 October 18

**Well, with only three reviews the story continues. I really don't know what's going to happen so we'll just go with it.**

**Lucille- Very nice idea, I may just have to use that. **

**Guest- Wow, I'm touched. This review was actually one of the main reasons I decided to continue.**

**Diaries are for Pussies-Chapter 2**

October 18

Dear the douchebag person reading this,

Well, I really don't know what the fuck to say. Kyle's sick, and Kenny's still dead for yesterday. So,I had to spend all fucking day with vegan pussy-face Stan. All day it was, "Boo hoo, Wendy left me." Or, "I'm so alone." And since he can't bitch to anyone else, he decides to bitch to me. I really have no idea what he sees in she-hippie she's bitchy, an environment freak, and unattractive. But then again, so is Stan; so I guess they'd make a perfect couple. Now, me and Kyle have only two classes together, math and PE. Math's really fucking boring, the teacher is some hippie bitch, always talking about saving the environment and animals or some shit like that. She uses these new-age bullshit teaching techniques, she'll ask us how the numbers make us 'feel.' Lady I don't feel shit, just teach us math. But PE, oh god PE. The teachers a hardass, the kind that make you do pushups when you fuck up, but I 'll deal with his shit just to see Kyle run. Bebe isn't lying when she talks about Kyle having a nice ass. Anyways, hippie bitch gave me the task of giving the Jew his homework, only good thing she's ever done, right now I'm writing this in my boring ass history class, being in the very back with no one around you has it's advantages. I'm pretty sure this asshole has been through half this shit, he's hella old. I'll report back after I give Kyle his math shit.

_Later:_

He's not faking it that's for sure, Kyle's totally fucked up. Runny nose, coughing, vomiting, yeah he vomited on me it was pretty fucking nasty. Anyways, Kyle's always cute when he's pissed off and purposely dropping his shit so he has to bend down to pick it up is priceless. Plus, watching bend over to pick it up is always, and I mean always, hot. Now if you excuse me, I need to jack off now.


	3. Chapter 3 October 21

**Diaries are For Pussies Chapter Three**

October 21

Dear what's your face,

Fuck me. Just fuck me. Just take a hot pink dildo, shove it up my ass and fuck me. I told you guys, or whoever you are, about Stan and Wendy's brake up right? I think I did, if I didn't they broke up. Now Wendy's going out and trying to prove just how much she's over Stan. You may be asking how she's doing this, or your may be asking why you care. In which case you are a dick. Well, she's flirting with guys and by guys I mean me. Now I've got Stan talking shit to me and Wendy making goo goo eyes at me. Fuck. Kyle's still sick, so I still have to bring him his math homework everyday after school. It really pisses him off. Also Halloween is in ten days, I have no fucking idea what I should be. I was thinking of being a zombie cop or something, I don't have any fucking idea. Kyle said he was going to be some sort of elf, elfs are pretty fucking gay. But, I'd bet he'd look hot as an elf, pointy ears and all. I'm heading to Kenny's in few minutes, I may write more, I may not.

_Later:_

So turns out Kenny invited both me and Butters which sucked ass. Butters acted like a pansy the whole time, offering to help Kenny clean his room and shit. What a fag! He kept talking about his parents almost grounding him, I think Kenny feels bad for him or something. I really don't give a shit about their bromance. Fuck it, I'm going to sleep.

**Leave a review of what you think!**


	4. Chapter 4 November 5

**Just to let you guys know, I don't have a single idea what's going to happen in the story. I'm really just winging it from here.**

Diaries are For Pussies Chapter Four

November 5

Dear you fucker,

Have you even noticed that lasagna is just pasta flavoured cake? Yeah that's what I've been thinking of the whole day, that and Kyle in his elf costume. Halloween turned out pretty well, Bebe threw this huge party at her place, pretty much everyone showed up and got drunk. Stan showed up and tried to use his 'amazing dance skills,' but he ended up falling flat on his ass. Kyle was there too, he didn't drink though he was too busy helping Stan. It's alway about Stan with him, 'oh Stan, blah blah blah.' or 'Stan did blah blah blah last night." Fuck Stan.

**Wow that was short, I'm sorry. Really.**


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